That is how I felt today. Inadequate. SMH.
I made plans with Goddaughter to shop at the mall. There is this cream jacket I want from the Avenue and I just decided to treat myself to it (lol). Yes, retail therapy. She texts me just as I am almost at our meeting location to tell me that her BFF is tagging along. **BIG SIGH**
I wanted to spend time alone with her and her friend being there will turn it into a teenage affair with me being the third wheel aka THE PARENT FIGURE. So I spend 3 hours with them in the mall, watching them go boy-crazy, talk about Juelz Santana and what they are wearing for Easter….I watched them look at prom dresses and then I was subjected to the inside of a Forever 21, where I felt really inadequate. I consider myself “cool” but I just felt so out of place. Not a good feeling.
I do want to add that the highlight of the Forever 21 visit was the following:
I spot a Run-DMC screen tank top. I point it out to Goddaughter.
She says: “Wow, that’s HOT.”
I say: “Seriously? Don’t play with my emotions. You know that’s one of my fave rap groups from when I was coming up.”
She says: “For real. I’d wear that. I like it.”
Me: In heaven as I pull out my credit card to pay for the shirt, lol. Yes, I was probably suckered but I do believe she will wear the shirt. Just as I was feeling archaic, I felt redeemed! Whew!
But honestly, I felt so fat today, it was sickening. So inadequate. Glad the day is over. Oh, Audrey, I need your guidance. I need to channel my inner Audrey. So many years I have preached to my fellow big sisters to love themselves no matter what their size. Now I am doubting myself at the size I am, which is the largest I have ever been. How can I lose weight without losing credibility? I want to continue to inspire others to love themselves no matter what. But I am not happy where I am. I don’t need to be a size 4 but I am tired of being a size 26. I still have some soul-searching to do. But I am glad this day is over.
Lesson learned: Never visit a mall with more than 1 teenager, unless they’re your kids and you HAVE to. My nieces have a few years before I have to endure this torture again. SMH.
Hon, going shopping with anyone that is not in your same age group is going to make you feel one of two things – completely and utterly old and inadequate, or bored to tears…
Don’t let anyone else let you get down. All of us have our bad days and our good days, and it looks as though you just had a bad one. You were so up from your trip – let that feeling wash over you again. Review your pictures and put yourself back where you were and you’ll be feeling better in no time!
If you’re not feeling good about your weight any support I can offer is yours. I’m rooting you on regardless of whether you lose or you don’t. You’re an inspiring woman with a great outlook on life and you’re not afraid to take things head on so I know you’ll be successful at anything you set your mind on doing.
Love you
Well, I was going to say something like Liza did but she said it all so Ditto.
You’re amazing. And you will never lose creditablity with anyone- just because you chose to do something else.
The fact that you preach to women to love themselves the way they are is a blessing because so many people will focus on what others need to change. Not many are about loving yourself and the way you are.
You have an inner and outer Audrey and that is beautiful. Just like you!